A Comic’s View: Strange bedfellows, Damian’s downer and the PM out of tune

By Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya

THE American essayist Charles Dudley Warner once said “Politics makes strange bedfellows” and, based on events this past week, we can thank our politically promiscuous lawmakers for truly bringing this quote to life.

Oh, what a cornucopia of cross-party couplings and catty comebacks have emerged. Let us begin.

It’s raining cats and dogs

First off, let me just say that based on revelations since its Chapter 11 filing, Baha Mar continues to be the gift that keeps on giving.

Thanks to the Baha Mar scandal, so far we’ve learned that Cabinet ministers can say whatever random musings come to mind.

We’ve learned that 80-year-olds with major state secrets and a minor understanding of how email works are a dangerous combination.

We’ve also learned that when you yell “conflict” in a pack of politicians, for some reason, everyone starts barking.

This week PLP MP Leslie Miller (affectionately known as The Potcake) bayed loudly as he defended FNM Leader Dr Hubert Minnis against claims of conflict of interest.

Then, former PLP Chairman Raynard Rigby also howled while dismissing the conflict claims against Dr Minnis as “political nonsense” and “erroneous”.

In response, current PLP Chairman Bradley Roberts – who has single-handedly turned the question of conflict into an all-out WWE cage match - responded that if he had to choose between Raynard Rigby and a cat, Puss in Boots was in and the crab was out.

Next up was current Minister of Tourism Obediah Wilchcombe, who floated the idea that liquidation was probably the wrong path for the government to travel to get to a speedy and fruitful resolution with Baha Mar, to which Bahamians responded in unison “Duh!”

I would say that in light of the verbal “runs” others in the Christie Cabinet have had lately (topped with reminders of collective responsibility) there is no way Mr Wilchcombe came to broadcast this conclusion without approval from above – but that would be pure conjecture.

Still, who was quick to back up Mr Wilchcombe’s stance? Our former deputy prime minister and senior FNM, Brent Symonette.

Strange indeed.

What do we do with a problem like Damian?

Last week, State Minister for Legal Affairs Damian Gomez’s stock was soaring. He was all over the news, talking about cleaning up corruption in government and actually sounded like he meant business this time.

But then came Black Monday, and news that Mr Gomez intended to make the FNM leadership his first and (more disturbingly) only targets, and almost immediately his stock started dropping faster than the Shanghai Composite.

Didn’t you hear it?

There was a collective “suck teeth” amongst the masses, who mentally parted ways with Gomez and relegated him back to the abyss of obscurity.

There was a moment of hesitation before Damian was dismissed, with many asking, “Are you gonna prosecute anyone in your own party? Did you investigate the conflicts there?”

Notwithstanding his boss, Attorney General Allyson Maynard-Gibson, having presently been accused of being conflicted by many, once Minister Gomez said that he found no evidence of conflict in the PLP party, social media went to work shredding his name like it was Shur-fine cheddar cheese.

It seems with Minister Gomez, at first the juice was worth the squeeze. But with every subsequent press statement since Monday, it has become clear the “old” Damian Gomez is back, squandering any goodwill he stockpiled last week and sadly downing a lot of Bahamian spirits in the process.

The verbal sparring between Gomez and Long Island MP Loretta Butler Turner has produced more accusations of conflicts, rumblings of politicians being “punch-drunk with power” and threats of lawsuits.

Still, Mr Gomez is a clever man, who also remarked this week that politics is adversarial (wink, wink).

It makes me wonder whether there is someone senior in the PLP Mr Gomez may not mind seeing investigated or exposed. It would seem that if one is willing to go after the top dogs in the FNM, perhaps one is hoping the FNM returns the favour.

Nevertheless, I have a feeling that soon we will see a politician we can credit for craftiness as well as courage.

In the meantime, in the words of that immortal Journey song, “don’t stop believin’”.

Music to our ears

Speaking of songs, this week our PM got his “knickers in a knot” over a brilliant new song called “Jokey Leaders” by our very own legendary Bahamian musician and entertainer, Kirkland “KB” Bodie (yes, Ortland H Bodie Jr’s youngest brother).

Prime Minister Christie specifically targeted the song and artist for criticism, as if the song is what is wrong in society these days.

Yep, you heard right. Our beloved PM found time amidst all the silence on Baha Mar and crime being out of control to chastise KB for his honest artistic expression.

Why so “touches” Mr PM? As a society (particularly politicians) we all need to learn to “Dabimus et accipiemus” - Latin for “Give and take”.

As you ‘shuffle’ further into a scripted “la la land” with your fancy footwork for entertainment, surely you are not surprised artists have entered your world - armed with talent and truth.

To be fair, I have reviewed the song’s lyrics again (it’s on repeat) and have come to the conclusion that only the following politicians can be offended:

1) Those who dye their hair

2) Those who wear make-up (women excluded)

3) Those with big, red noses

4) Those who own “Batman” underwear

5) Those who joke

6) Those who jive

If you are none of these, then by all means let us just carry on smartly.

But do remember that artists dislike censorship and operate on ground rules that are peculiar to them. You know, just like your Cabinet Ministers.

Thumbs up, thumbs down

Thumbs Up

to all our Bahamian athletes competing in the World Championships in Beijing, China. This small nation surely has some big time track stars, who always make us proud.

Thumbs Down

to the alleged/rumoured/ purported fight in Cabinet. Seriously, if it must come to hair pulling, scratching and blows please don’t fight in the High Council (or the smokers rooms a la Keod Smith v Kenyatta Gibson, circa 2006 ), fight in the lowly streets ... where we can see you.

Thumbs Up

to Baha Mar for putting together a Plan of Reorganisation. I see someone is still trying to solve the problem.

Thumbs Up

to Beijing for finally stabilising the Asian and (by extension) world markets. When capitalism meets communism and you sprinkle in a dash of currency devaluation mixed with strict government controls the sky’s the limit!

Thumbs Down

to Tropical Storm Erika. Do I really have to explain why?

Until next week ‘Laugh now, cry later’.

• Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya is the resident stand-up comic at Jokers Wild Comedy Club at the Atlantis, Paradise Island, resort and presents ‘Mischief and Mayhem in da AM’ on KISS FM 96.1 from 6am to 10am, Monday to Friday. He also writes a sports column in The Tribune on Tuesday. Comments and questions to naughty@tribunemedia.net.

Comments

Maynergy says...

Good Day:

The many faces of the suffering among the privileged political
personalities that roam the landscape called the Commonwealth of the
Bahamas, is not easily noticed by those who are in the non-target(ed)
population.

Unfortunately at this juncture in the history of Independence; our
school children cries out loudly while the irrational political
exuberance thrive on obliviously with the frequency of crime in
so many communities are frighteningly unchecked and seemingly
perpetuated with impunity.

I am seeking immediate relief for our children with an “National
Mental Health" program to deal with any and all “post-traumatic
stress" relating to this menace that has taken over the island of New
Providence and other islands of the chain.

I believe it is now necessary that the masses or general public
petition for relief from the government to make this a National Security concern
and deal with the same as soon as possible, granting the citizens the
right to file law suits in the country against the gun manufacturers
and importers for the carnage and bedlam on the youth of the nation.

Beside can the government tell the people where and how is these
ammunition and guns are being offloaded in the islands?
Is there a Database of all the guns that has been used in crime in the last ten (10) years been available?

Thank you.

Posted 29 August 2015, 12:29 p.m. Suggest removal

IAmOne says...

Good points. Enjoying this more every week !

Posted 30 August 2015, 2:56 a.m. Suggest removal

Raptor22 says...

Brilliantly written, hilarious but factual. We need men like you to run in the next election. What say you Naughty?

Posted 31 August 2015, 7:37 a.m. Suggest removal

Emac says...

Love it and looking forward to the next posting, Naughty!

Posted 31 August 2015, 10:26 a.m. Suggest removal

ObserverOfChaos says...

Good entertaining factual concise read my friend....sarcasm can bring to light and recognition of things that actual "news" fails to....keep it up....maybe we'll get these bozo politicians to actually learn something....

Posted 1 September 2015, 8:05 a.m. Suggest removal

ObserverOfChaos says...

PM not out of tune....he's not even got the radio on!....

Posted 25 September 2015, 10:43 p.m. Suggest removal

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