By Inigo ‘Naughty’ zenicazelaya

What a week it has been.

Taking all things into account in relation to Hurricane Joaquin and its aftermath, I’m going to be as “politically correct” as I can with this week’s column. At least I will try to.

But just like BEC, I make no promises.

What a teachable moment taught me

Hurricane Joaquin will go down in our history as one of the most devastating storms ever. Not only did this Goliath of a storm form in our backyard, it went from a tropical storm to a Category 4 hurricane in four days.

Basically, if Joaquin were an athlete, he would have the strength, stamina and speed of Shaunae Miller and Ramon Miller all rolled up in one. As a matter of fact, I wish we could have called the hurricane “Miller” because one of the first things I learned as Joaquin approached is that Bahamians can sure mess up a name.

For the record, it’s pronounced wah-keen. Did none of you watch Gladiator? You know, the movie with Russell Crowe and Joaquin (say it with me, waahh-keeenn) Phoenix that replays a hundred thousand times a year?

Anyway, Joaquin came through and pounded our southern islands with 140mph winds, decimating much of everything that was in his path. That none of the islanders lost their life during this storm is truly a miracle – and a welcome one.

Immediately after the storm, an amazing thing happened. Like a rainbow promised from the Creator, hundreds of Bahamians sprung into action and mobilised relief efforts. No one waited on the government – with its slow, cumbersome, red-tape laden legs – to come to the rescue.

Almost as fast as Joaquin hit Acklins, Mayaguana, Crooked Island, Long Island and all the others, Bahamians in the islands that were spared his wrath hit back with water, food, clothing and supplies.

Bahamians are still our brother’s keeper is the second thing I learned.

Now, do you know how hard it is for a politician not to politic?

Believe me it’s very hard. I’m talking trying to quit after a pack-a-day-for-30-years hard.

That’s why when I heard all of the talking heads, media minds and politicos start blabbering about not making anything Joaquin related “political” I raised an eyebrow. And then I waited.

One day passed. Two days passed.

As more information poured in from the southern islands the politicians tried to stick to that mantra of placing no blame but about three days post-Joaquin we had our first crack in the glass.

Minister of Agriculture and MICAL MP Mr V Alfred Gray decided that before anyone tossed him under the bus that was definitely steamrolling his way he would go on the offensive.

Just as Prime Minister Christie defended the National Emergency Management Agency (NEMA) in the media Minister Gray proclaimed that “heads should roll”.

Notwithstanding his poor choice of words (considering how many people came within a hair’s breadth of having exactly that happen to them), Minister Gray thought it made sense to toss the folks at NEMA, the Met Office and Island Administrators in general under the nearest jitney.

The way I see it, Mr Gray seemed like he wanted to distract us from his own failure in his constituency which was (arguably) hardest hit.

Now don’t get me wrong. There is plenty of blame to go around concerning what did and didn’t happen in a timely manner, but even I am not interested in going down that “dig up” road today.

The fact that Minister Gray opened the door to assigning blame right when the media had been cajoled into a tacit moratorium on criticising the government (and specifically NEMA) taught me that a politician will always politic, even with his dusty foot lodged firmly in his mouth.

That was the third lesson I learned.

V for vendetta

Speaking of the Minister, did you know the V in V Alfred Gray is for Vergeneas (p. VER-GENIUS)?

Don’t worry. I’m not about to pick on the Minister for his name. After all, who am I to talk?

But it’s a curious name anyway considering how lately he has been content playing the part of the simpleton.

Minister Gray’s comments as Joaquin rolled in on the southern islands in our archipelago were simply audacious.

If memory serves me right, he basically said if the buildings look like they won’t withstand the storm, there are some caves on the side of the rock that the residents can go into because they’re not prone to flooding.

Really, Mr Gray? Seriously?

That’s all you had for those ten workers residing on Samana Cay with no government shelter or facilities available to them, nor hurricane-proof housing? Minister Gray may have had every good intention when he made the now infamous remarks, but he obviously never took into account the importance of timing nor delivery, and came off as tone-deaf at best.

His statements really came off as cold and callous, and most uncaring.

When Minister Gray subsequently went on a tirade against everyone, including the Island Administrators, I wasn’t surprised. After all, I could think of one Administrator in particular he may not be too fond of right about now.

But then Minister Gray decided to one-up himself and made even worse remarks regarding some of his constituents from Crooked Island who had been evacuated from there and brought to Nassau.

After a group of these no-doubt traumatised individuals were brought to the capital because their homes had been destroyed by Joaquin, Social Services dropped the ball by placing them in what they described (and Minister Melanie Griffin later agreed) were substandard motel accommodations.

Instead of empathising with his constituents and moving heaven and earth to see to their comfort, Minister Gray instead went on radio and proclaimed they should be “grateful” for whatever they got. He talked about how he couldn’t understand how people who had been “living in a car for two days” could complain about anything.

He spoke as if those evacuees had no right to expect anything “special” and should be glad for whatever crumbs the government decided to bless them with.

Folks, when a politician is so far removed from reality that he doesn’t give two cents about voters in his own constituency, the jig is up.

Here’s an idea. Since Minister Gray likes to preach about being grateful, perhaps the Bahamian taxpayers should take away all of the perks and privileges he currently receives from the public (his constituents) and use the money saved for Hurricane Joaquin relief.

Maybe Minister Gray would like to give up any gratis cell-phone, free air travel, car and driver the people ultimately pay for and just be grateful he still has a job.

In fact, Minister Gray should be grateful if the Bahamian people decide to even toss him some jitney fare. That way he can take his seat on the bus instead of throwing people under it.

A friend in need

On top of the stellar job performed by Bahamian citizens, private companies and citizens abroad, the Royal Bahamas Defence Force and Royal Bahamas Police Force have also been top notch in Hurricane Joaquin’s aftermath.

But I would also like to say that seeing our friends from the United States Coast Guard, USAID and - of course - the British Royal Navy assist Bahamians during this calamitous time speaks to the special relationship we have with these countries. I am sure I speak for many Bahamians when I say “Thank you.”

Also, condolences go out to the family and friends of the 33 crew members of the cargo ship El Faro who are presumed to not have survived Hurricane Joaquin and perished in our waters. As the son of a ship’s captain, my heart goes out to all of them. May those 28 Americans and five Poles rest in peace.

• Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya is the resident stand-up comic at Jokers Wild Comedy Club at the Atlantis, Paradise Island, resort and presents ‘Mischief and Mayhem in da AM’ from 6am to 10am, Monday to Friday, and ‘The Press Box’ sports talk show on Sunday from 10am to 1pm on KISS FM 96.1. He also writes a sports column in The Tribune on Tuesday. Comments and questions to naughty@tribunemedia.net.