By Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya

To the average Bahamian who follows major events in the country, this was a confusing week.

On the one hand, we were led to believe by members of the government that we should be happy that the Baha Mar deal is back on track. On the other hand, we learned that the credit rating agency Moody’s has downgraded us once again.

If you are one of the confused, allow me to crack a few mirrors and clear away some of the smoke. Because something stinks in Nassau. And I’m not just talking about the millions of rats running around that can only be exterminated by cars.

The Year of the Monkey

February this year kicked off the ‘year of the monkey’ in China. Is it any wonder that less than a day after Prime Minister Christie announced that a deal had been reached with China EXIM bank to once again begin construction on the embattled Baha Mar project Bahamians began to suspect some monkey business going on?

I, for one, wanted to be jubilant. I wanted to think that after all these many months of Bahamian contractors being left out in the cold and thousands of former Baha Mar employees shlepping down to NIB to collect unemployment there was hope on the horizon.

Sadly, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Now, if you are one of those Bahamians that loves the Progressive Liberal Party so much that you put on blinders and put in earplugs every time someone questions the actions of the party or our current Prime Minister, you may want to stop reading here.

You, my friend, live in La La Land. Not that I’m judging, mind you. I imagine things must be nice in La La Land. It must be a place where you can play dominoes under a big tree, fish to your heart’s content, down endless cold Kaliks and mash conch salad all day. I wouldn’t mind living in La La Land, but unfortunately I live in Bahamaland. And in Bahamaland strange things happen. Strange deals happen. And the truth about these deals would probably burst the bubble of those living in La la Land.

Back to the monkey business.

A few months ago, I wrote in this column about strange rumours surrounding alleged concessions our government may have been entertaining in relation to Baha Mar. According to those rumours that were rampant in newspapers, talk shows and social media, China Construction America (and other Chinese entities involved in the project) allegedly sent our government a letter with a list of demands. Some of the alleged demands the Chinese asked for included concessions on casino taxes and (worst of all) a pathway to citizenship for 500 Chinese nationals.

Back then, I wrote about the United States’ EB-5 visa program that allows 10,000 non-Americans a chance at jumping the citizenship line simply by investing a million bucks in projects that directly employ Americans.

Lo and behold, a short few days after that column was published, our Prime Minister gave an evasive comment about how the Chinese could ask for anything but that doesn’t mean he will approve it. He went on to talk about how some of those ‘nations in the South’ may offer citizenship for sale but that is not us. That is not what we do here in The Bahamas.

That was back in June, and this is now.

Now, we know that Moody’s has officially downgraded our credit rating. Now, we know that Sandals has made hundreds of Bahamians redundant right under Minister Shane Gibson’s nose.

So suddenly, now, we learn that some sort of deal has been struck that will allow construction to begin on Baha Mar post haste. What kind of deal? We have no idea, because the documents pertaining to this ‘sweet’ deal have been sealed under court order. So what concessions did the government agree to? We don’t know. Who will be the new owners and operators of Baha Mar? We don’t know. All we know is that we are ‘supposed’ to be happy about this backroom deal struck in the dark.

Honestly, it reminds me of an exchange I had with some friends over a bowl of chicken souse a few years ago.

After a night of hanging out (read: chasing girls) and bar hopping (disclosure: this was before I met my wife and ‘catch sense’), a group of us went to a popular restaurant that makes some of the best souse in Nassau. We were hungry (read: and hungover), and ordered five bowls of the most delicious chicken souse ever known to man. As we gulped our meals, one of my friends remarked, “Boi, I don’t care if dem rumours true. Dis taste so good, if dat gyal does really put her big toe in dis, I would still eat it!”

This drew laughter from the group.

But as I sat picking my tasty chicken bones, I wondered to myself: Does the cook really put her big toe in her pot? Is that the secret formula? Do I like the taste of random toes? What if her toenail fell off in the pot? Are toenails healthy?

I only visited that restaurant three more times after that morning (Don’t judge me, the souse was really good.) Eventually, I decided that as good as it smelled, and as good as it tasted, I didn’t like not knowing if what I thought I was buying was what I was actually getting. Some things shouldn’t be left unknown. And nobody can stomach foot flavoured souse, no matter how good it tastes.

And so it is with Baha Mar. I would like to enjoy this week’s ‘good news’, but I, like many Bahamians, get the feeling someone has been monkeying around with the pot. Will the Prime Minister come clean with the Bahamian people? What concessions did this government approve on behalf of the Bahamian people? Was citizenship involved? Casino taxes concessions?

Because until I know what we had to concede, no bite. My lips are sealed. Just like those Baha Mar documents.

I invite Mr Christie (who refused questions from the media at this week’s press conference) to tell us what, exactly, is in the pot. Please shed some light on the details of the wonderful deal you made with China EXIM bank. Dazzle us all with brilliance, so we too can head off to La La Land.

Interestingly, Opposition leader Dr Hubert Minnis this week warned the Christie administration and China EXIM bank that a Free National Movement government would change or cancel any part of this agreement that it finds not to be in the interest of the Bahamian people.

That part of his response Dr Minnis made crystal clear.

If the latest rumours running rampant on social media about what Mr Christie has agreed to are true, this stance by the opposition may represent the last hope for Bahamians who don’t like being force fed wonton soup, toenails and all.

Until next week, bon appetit!!

• Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya is the resident stand-up comic at Jokers Wild Comedy Club at the Atlantis, Paradise Island, resort and presents ‘Mischief and Mayhem in da AM’ from 6am to 10am, Monday to Friday, and ‘The Press Box’ sports talk show on Sunday from 10am to 1pm on KISS FM 96.1. He also writes a sports column in The Tribune on Tuesday. Comments and questions to naughty@tribunemedia.net