By INIGO 'NAUGHTY' ZENICAZELAYA

When Bahamas Power & Light CEO Pamela Hill defended the company’s $1.1m performance bonus under the former Christie administration, I couldn’t control the hysterical fit of laughter, her comments put me under.

When Mrs. Hill noted that BPL’s service and power provision showed “step by step improvements” and “higher reliability” of BPL’s services, to justify the undeserved $1m incentive.

Ms. Hill’s statements only added fuel to the bouts of laughter I was combating.

Higher reliability?

Of what, more blackouts?

In an interview in Thursday’s Tribune, Ms Hill conceded that the questionable million dollar bonus awarded to BPL “does seem like a ‘strange animal’ considering BPL’s ongoing struggles to consistently keep the lights on, BPL has worked to make sure that there have been improvements in the company over the past year.”

Improvements ?

Where?

Acknowledging that while the company has been “experiencing some maintenance issues, lately, which have affected multiple islands in the country inclusive of Abaco, Bimini, Exuma and New Providence, BPL officials are “working diligently in order to be able to resolve them”.

Ms Hill also reminded all concerned that, BPL is not in a position to be able to resolve the “issues” of the affected areas immediately.

When asked if a contract renewal was still an option, Ms Hill said: “We are not focused on any such thing.”

“My focus entirely is on the three things that I know our customers are focused on, and that’s around improving the reliability, the affordability and the customer service aspect of our product. And everything else is really not core to our mission, to our mission here at the company.”

Translated into ‘Bahamanees’: “We ain’t checking for dat, we ain’t on that run right now, we just get burst with a million dollar bub, cause we doing what we ‘posed to do. So Minnis dem, could do whatever.”

Ms Hill can be quite flippant it seems, I see now why both Deputy Prime Minister K Peter Turnquest and former Bahamas Electricity Corporation (BEC) Executive Chairman Leslie Miller have spoken out boisterously against the reported bonus, with Miller saying that BPL “Is inconsistent with the desire for improved results” in electricity service for Bahamian consumers.

Ah, I miss the ‘Potcake’, you knew when he was going to “make you sweat.”

Note to self: “Stock up on batteries, water and ice, keep the coolers full and ready.”

What’s really dumbfounding, is that according to the dailies and social media, allegedly Ms.Hill flies out of town on Thursday night, only to return on Monday.

Coincidentally, did anyone take note when the bulk of the blackouts occur?

You guessed it, on the weekends!

MITCHELL STILL A BITTER ‘PUCK’

PLP Senator Fred Mitchell is no stranger to this column, his antics make my job very easy as a comedian, and his role reoccurring.

From his time as Minister of Foreign Affairs, in the former government.(Or Minister of Affairs in Foreign as I referred to him as, because it often seemed he was abroad more than not). Mitchell was infamous for suffering from reoccurring cases of “hoof in mouth”.

In one of his more famous outbreaks, Mitchell got all Shakespearean and said that the former Foreign Affairs minister Brent Symonette should “go hide under the rock from whence he came”.

Mitchell was a bitter ‘Puck’ then, and remains so to this day. His latest target, Dame Joan Sawyer!

For all of his scholastic pedigree Mitchell comes off like an educated fool more times than not.

Why Dame Joan Sawyer? (of whom I am a huge fan of by the way) You should know in all your intelligencia Mr. Mitchell, that she is the wrong “fire” for you to play with “Scarecrow Fred”.

In his latest soirée into lunacy, Mitchell, Leader of the Opposition in the Senate, in an interview with the Guardian said that former Court of Appeal President Dame Joan Sawyer was “outrageous” to accuse two prominent clergymen of attempting to divide the country, when they expressed concern over what they deemed to be “inhumane” treatment of a former PLP Cabinet minister during his recent arraignment.

“You have to be judicious in your statements and not outrageous.”

“So, it appears to me it is an attempt to remain relevant. [She is] irrelevant.”

At this point I’m amazed Mitchell’s incisors didn’t completely sever his tongue, after those statements. FYI Mr Mitchell, your sentiments regarding Dame Joan, are exactly how the majority of the voting populous in this country feels about you!

Ah, irony is such a humorous thing!

(Is Mitchell playing the role of the “pot” or “kettle” in this one?)

“This is a lady who got to the highest levels of government in the country and then did not support gender equality, so from that point of view she is out of step with the times, and therefore not relevant. “Simply, you just need to ignore her opinion.

Translated into “Bahamanees”: “Well mudoes, I been hot with dis old gal, ever since she didn’t support me on my gender vibe. And now she running out, don’t penny her, ain’t nobody on her run, her time done.”

Yes, it’s seems like Mr Mitchell is all in his feelings, when it comes to Dame Joan Sawyer for not supporting his stance for gender equality. It also seems that jealousy has reared its ugly head in this equation also, despite his attempts to paint Dame Joan as obsolete, she remains more intelligent than Mitchell, more dignified, better versed and vastly more popular.

Harness that inner misogynist, Mr Mitchell, and accept the fact she’s a GOOD woman, and focus more on being ‘judicious’ rather than ‘outrageous’ as you try to remain ‘relevant’ yourself.