THERE are some arguments that never seem to end. We return to the same questions over and over again. There is never one answer because our perspectives and experiences are vastly different, and some people are convinced that there is nothing outside of what they see. Gender, race, class, nationality, migration status and other identity markers help to shape our realities. While we all know other people with different experiences exist, some people — lacking in empathy — find it difficult to acknowledge that other people’s inability to have or pretend they have more pleasant experiences is not a failure on their parts, but an issue of systemic oppression and inequality.

Life in The Bahamas is typically reduced to one of two conditions — paradise or plantation. The one you regard as your reality depends on who you are, what you do, how other people treat you, how you have learned to see the world, changes you have lived through, your belief system, the coping mechanisms you use and other things specific to you. It’s about your experience and the way you contextualise it.

If you work multiple jobs just to make ends meet, it probably doesn’t feel like paradise. If you have domestic workers attending to your basic needs, it probably doesn’t feel like you are the enslaved person on a plantation. Both paradise and plantation are going too far for most of us, but we have come to lean into the hyperbolic. Every now and then, however, someone breaks it all down in a way that should help everyone to understand. We either accept the lesson, or we rail against it, convinced other people’s stations in life are their own fault.

Over the past few days, there has been a lot of conversation about one young woman’s rejection of the idea that The Bahamas is paradise for the average Bahamian and one particular response to her comments. Both of their videos were shared on social media platform TikTok. I haven’t seen the first young woman’s video, but I have seen the popular, ignorant response which includes a few seconds of her commentary.

The first person says: “And you wan’ call this a paradise? What type of paradise you seein’, ‘cause I ain’ see it. I can’t see, ‘cause my light always—” and the video, much like her electricity, unexpectedly cuts there and continues with a different young woman. Before we get into the second part of the video, let’s consider what the first person said.

Even without context, we can see the truth in her statement. We have lived, for years, through the experience she described. For many of us, suffering through the heat during an electricity outage is the norm. We know about throwing away spoiled food, trying and failing to get reimbursed for damaged appliances, being sent home because we cannot work in the dark, being gridlocked at major intersections because the traffic lights are off and not having water piped into our homes because the pumps are electric. For others, there is a generator to the rescue, so maybe daily electricity outages don’t matter as much, especially if they can afford the fuel. You will not understand the plight of people who are truly suffering through outages if you can solve the problem for yourself.

In her response to the young woman’s commentary on paradise, the second young woman steps outside of her home and does a spin, showing the blue sky and the tops of trees. It is that idyllic image of paradise, painted by people who do not live and work in the places they are selling. Already, it is clear where the video is going. It sets us up for a “The Bahamas is so beautiful” speech. As expected, it does not acknowledge the varied lived realities of Bahamian people.

She says: “The term paradise has nothing to do with the governmental structure in The Bahamas.” To say this is debatable is an understatement. The structure of the Bahamian government and its actions directly affects our lives. Our (in)ability to participate in governance is connected to our understanding of the systems and policies in place and the actions taken, the relationships we have with decision-makers, our assumptions about future prospects, and the demands we make of people in positions of power. Changes in governance can affect our access to paradise. A living wage and universal basic income would take allow people to get out of survival mode. More people would have a chance to look at the sky.

She went on to say that “We all understand the problems that are going on,” but it is obvious that we do not. If we did, we would not be having these conversations because no one would pretend that we have equal access to leisure. She said that being able to walk outside, the sun, and being able to drive down the road to the beach for free — with excessive emphasis on “for free” — are all blessings.

There are two main issues here. The first is that we are consistently pressured to view very basic conditions as extraordinary and undeserved, and if we do not, we are seen as ungrateful. Some people have gratitude practices in which they acknowledge the big and small, appreciating various aspects of life, and this fine. It is not, however, something that needs to be forced upon other people, especially as a distraction from very real and pressing issues in their lives. It is not strange to put more attention on mounting bills than the shining sun. It is not choice, but necessity.

The second issue is that there are costs associated with what some people consider to be free. You need a car to drive to the beach, and that car needs gas. If you don’t have a car, you need to take a bus and that costs money. Depending on where you live, you may not even be able to take a bus. Walking may be possible, but it would likely take longer and that blessing of a sun can make it quite a chore. On top of that, time spent on the beach is time not spent looking for work, doing household work, or standing in line for financial assistance.

Let’s go back to the part about paradise having nothing to do with “governmental structure”. How are decisions made about major developments? How did we get to the point where views of the beach are blocked by resorts and multi-story complexes? Do you remember how much easier it used to be to access Cabbage Beach? The people signing the deals that make this place smaller and smaller and reduce our access to the “blessings” are not guided by the idea that we deserve any part of the “paradise” anyone imagines. Most of us are the people who make paradise possible for others, not the ones who experience it. Acknowledging it and public criticising this inequality is not the rejection of a blessing, but a mirror for those of us who have the resources to not only see it, but to enjoy it. What makes your enjoyment of living in The Bahamas possible? How might that be different for others?

Paradise is like heaven. It is different for different people. For some, paradise is not having to lift a finger, and not having to even think. For some, paradise is power, whether to dominate and control or to make change to benefit all. Paradise, for some, is feigning superiority based an idea they present as character, but that is actually rooted in privilege. For some, paradise is equality, or even participating in the work that will get us there. It is overly simplistic to suggest that whatever is not paradise is plantation. Many of us live between the two and may not even know which extreme is closest to us.

Some people experience paradise at the cost of someone else’s. Some people’s paradise is other people’s plantation. We live in the same place, and we are having a multitude of experiences. When people share theirs, when people offer different perspective, listen.

Question yourself before you question them. Before you dismiss people’s struggles and tell them to look on the bright side, figure what makes it so easy for you to (pretend to) be in paradise.

Looking for something to do?

1. Grow something. You don’t have to have a lot of space or money. Choose something you cook with often or a plant you like seeing. Visit your nearest plant nursery to get seedlings or seeds and some guidance on getting them started and keeping them alive.

2. Watch UCLA gymnast Nia Dennis’ floor routine. This isn’t the first time Dennis has gone viral with a routine that is a nod to Black culture with her choices in music and dance. This time, it included stepping and music from Missy Elliott and Tupac. Her performance at University of California, Los Angeles earned her a score of 9.95. Last year’s viral routine — which got more than two million views in a day — received a score of 9.975.

3. Prepare a spaghetti squash lasagna bowl. I watched Chrissy Teigen make bolognese sauce to fill roasted butternut squash halves. She spread a mixture of ricotta, parmesan, and pesto in the bottom of the bowls, filled them with the bolognese sauce, and topped them with mozzarella. They were put in the oven just until the mozzarella melted. No part of the meal was difficult, but the way she put it all together was interesting. I’m a pasta lover, but I’m looking forward to giving this one a try and using the same concept to make the same old dishes new life.