DIVORCE is never pretty. It’s the courtroom culmination of living room or bedroom misery, the inevitable chapter of years of hurt, disloyalty, of insults hurled at one another, emotional abuse, neglect, or worse, physical abuse. 

No, divorce is not pretty. But in The Bahamas, it is even uglier than it needs to be.

It is time to change the laws and catch up with the reality of cultural change. 

With severely limited legal grounds for divorce, couples who simply agree to go their separate ways cannot simply go their separate ways, even if they have agreed on all the major sticking points – childcare responsibilities, financial obligations (or who gets what), a host of issues connected to separating the ties that bound for however long the marriage lasted.

Even if both parties agree on all other matters, they can only go their separate ways under three circumstances recognised as legal grounds – adultery, cruelty or desertion. The latter specifies that the party who deserted did so a minimum of two years prior to the filing and was out of the household for five years.

Every one of the legal grounds acceptable for pursuing a divorce in The Bahamas sets up a battlefield, creating and demanding the need for a perpetrator and a victim.

One spouse has to take action against the other. If it wasn’t an emotional struggle just to get to court, it becomes an even harder one once in front of the judge. It can be unbearable, turning spouses who simply wanted to go their separate ways into gladiators in the ring with only one emerging as the victor.

Take a case that happened not long ago in a local court.

Husband and wife reached an amicable decision that the marriage was not working. Both are devoted parents. Both agreed to a divorce. Years of incompatibility had taken their toll and one had moved out a few years earlier. But life meant they were often together in the same space. Both took turns with school pick-ups and attending events. Two households were being maintained. Bills were being paid. Parallel parental paths leading to where they stood now. One of the spouses had filed for divorce with the full knowledge and approval of the other.

Remember, both reached the same conclusion – the entire family would be better off with less tension, more tranquility and peace of mind. The kids would be better off without the constant bickering and disagreements, without the tempered, but hard to conceal looks of silent rage or disbelief on their parents’ faces when they were in the same space as they tried to pretend everything was okay.

Finally, it was the day of the divorce hearing. Under Bahamian law, one spouse had to be the good guy, the other the evil perpetrator. The husband agreed ahead of time to be the gentleman and take the hit as the bad guy. That was fine with the wife because even if she had contributed to the daily unrest, she wasn’t about to take the heat if he were willing to withstand the temperature. One thing about her husband, for sure, is that he was always the gentleman and devoted father even if love had left the room a long time ago.

Court is now in session. Everyone rises as the judge enters the room. They are seated. And the case begins.

And in an environment when the two parties are required to face off like fighters to persuade the judge to sign the papers, they square off and she comes out of the ring with victory shining in her eyes. The harder the blows she throws, the more she will get in settlement. He sits stunned at what he is hearing, swallowing hard, disbelief at the exaggerations and untruths and if he says anything, the quest for divorce, for freedom, could be quashed.

And so he sits, taking punch after punch until she wins everything she wanted. He would have given it to her anyway without having to endure the barrage of insults, barbs that will continue to sting until one day he can erase them from his memory. That day may never come for there is nothing that sticks with you longer than being accused of something horrible that you did not do, but cannot correct because the cost of correction is greater than the price of swallowing the bitter lies and shutting up.

  The irony of antiquated and damaging divorce laws in The Bahamas is twofold. Present laws have not served to slow down the rate of divorce. They’ve just turned spouses who want to separate into enemies instead of potential friends. They have turned many into liars, one accusing the other of adultery with trumped up evidence, and the other agreeing, just to be done with the marriage. Nor have they stopped the rate of sweethearting. The law simply does not match the culture.

In fact, the divorce laws of The Bahamas are so restrictive that they align most closely with similar laws in Nigeria and China where the culture is clearly different from Bahamian culture. While that is the case, the second irony is that the highest court of The Bahamas is the Privy Council. And where is that based? Our highest court, the Privy Council is based in the UK where the divorce laws are among the most liberal in the world, ranking among the most modern behind Sweden and close to those of Canada and Australia.

DIVORCE AMONG EQUALS

When love goes wrong and friendship is not enough to endure, when bitterness is the carpet upon which small children walk and the noise which bombards their ears, surely there is a kinder way to write a new chapter.

At-fault divorce laws make enemies of spouses. At-fault divorce laws tear already fragile and damaged families farther apart, sometimes creating irreparable rifts. The dreamy looks of exchanging vows may fade, but friendship can endure. Why slaughter any chance of exes being friends by putting them into a boxing ring and telling them to come out fighting while a judge fulfills his or her role, determining who wins the round?

Surely both, by being forced adversaries, have lost the match.

The time to change the divorce laws of The Bahamas has come.