By MALCOLM STRACHAN 

IT WAS a double murder that shocked the world. But for some families, including right here in The Bahamas, the deaths of Rob and Michelle Reiner had a more personal connection.

We’re not talking about those who lamented the death of a director who made some of their favourite movies – though there were plenty of people taking to Facebook to talk about how much they loved When Harry Met Sally, The Princess Bride or A Few Good Men. No, this is more about the circumstances the Reiners found themselves in, dealing with a family member dealing with addiction and prone to outbursts of violence.

The investigation of the Reiners’ deaths is still ongoing, but the stories of what led up to it have been circulating. They centre on their son, Nick.

Some of that story has played out on the movie screen. In 2015, Rob Reiner directed a movie called Being Charlie, written by Nick Reiner and based on Nick’s own experiences of heroin addiction and homelessness. It also deals with the relationship of the lead character with a famous father. At the time of making it, Rob Reiner said making the movie with his son “only brought us closer together.”

The story of the lead-up to the stabbings of Rob and Michelle Reiner is disturbing in a way that others dealing with a troubled family member will recognise. Nick was living in a building on the couple’s property – staying at home despite being a grown man. He went with them to a party at Conan O’Brien’s house, where it is reported he was snapping rudely at people asking them if they were famous and getting into an argument with his father that apparently led some people to discuss calling the police. The Reiners left – and then later the bodies of Rob and Michelle were found with multiple stab wounds. Nick was later arrested, and there have been reports since of his troubled and sometimes violent history.

For me, all of this felt close to home because I know of families who have gone through similar troubles – without the spotlight of fame, and without the helping hand of influence or money to provide the chances of rehabilitation or doctors that listen.

John – not his real name – was one such case. One day he showed up at work with his arm in a sling. We asked what had happened, and it all came flooding out. His son had attacked him with a metal rod and broke his arm. What was a shock to us was this was just one of many instances John had had to deal with over the years.

His son had been a smart kid and had done pretty well at school. But somewhere along the way, he started taking drugs. It was mostly weed, though increasingly stronger. But there were other drugs too, John said. From being on track for a good career, the son fell off society’s radar. Jobless and suffering increasingly from mental issues, he got into tangles with the law. A couple of convictions for minor drug offences made getting a job even harder, even though he wasn’t looking much at all.

But while society forgets about people all the time, families can’t do that. John and his wife split up, but John kept trying to help his son, even when his son would turn violent against him. At the time his arm was broken, his son was living in a car on his property and attacked him when John pleaded for him to take the medication he was supposed to be taking.

For many years, John had struggled with all of this alone. And in truth, he still has to.

But he’s not alone in one thing: there are plenty of other people going through the same situation.

Another person I am close to has a son who is getting back on track, but only after losing five or six years to drug addiction and a prison term for theft from his place of employment.

This was a family from a good background. The son did not have to steal, his family would provide for him if he was in need. He disappeared down a rabbit hole of addiction, keeping secrets and running up debts.

He has a chance again now, thanks to their love and support, but even that situation had tensions that could have turned violent. “When a family member turns on you and hurts you, calling the police is often the last thing on your mind,” said that son’s mother. “You’re trying to help him, and if you call the police, that would hurt him even more-- make things worse for him--so why would you do that?”

And there is another family I know, where the parents struggle every day with the knowledge that their son became a killer. He is now in prison. They try to see him when they can, and--unlike those who cry “my good son” outside court--they know he did it. They are a churchgoing family and they wonder how things could have gone so wrong.

Across society, there are people struggling to deal with family members who have lost their way. Drugs, and the descent into crime that goes with it, are often a common denominator in these stories. But too many are having to deal with violence close to home.

That’s not even counting the many women who suffer from domestic violence – too many of whom will be wondering how they are going to get through Christmas without a black eye when the man who supposedly loves them gets too drunk or too angry and hits out.

If the Reiner case shows anything, it is that these instances are not about poverty, or deprivation, or struggling to make ends meet. Even those born into privilege can lose their way and become driven by demons that hurt those closest to them most.

When John got to tell his story, just being heard made a huge change. Imagine keeping all those secrets for all that time, with the pressure of secrecy piling on to the pressure of the violent situation.

There is no easy solution to this. No trite resolution that I can come up with to end the article with some word of wisdom. Just know this is more common than we acknowledge and that there are probably people you know who are going through all of this right now, but who just cannot tell anyone.

Families are the last lifeline for many of those going through such addictions, but they are also the first on the frontline having to deal with its consequences. I wish they did not have to keep such secrets, and I wish they had the support so they wouldn’t have to go through this alone.