By MALCOLM STRACHAN

WHEN I was a young man, I had my first personal experience with knowing someone who committed suicide. It was inexplicable.

At the time, none of us could understand. The young man who died had been a shining star at school. He was the one who was always making jokes, he was bubbling and full of energy. He was the effervescent presence in the school show, making up with enthusiasm where he occasionally hit a wrong note in the songs.

When he went off to college, somehow it ended up with him committing suicide. For those of us left behind, we tried to piece together how this wonderful soul could find himself with nowhere to turn. A number of us – me included – talked of how he was such a fun person, although each of us said how we were not very close to him, making us wonder how many really were close friends to him. And how they – or we – could have helped.

It seemed when he went to college, he became lonely and isolated. I cannot even pretend to know what other problems he had. None of us knew. None of us.

I was stung by this memory this week with the report that one in five teenagers in our country have attempted suicide, with one in four having considered it.

Those are shocking figures. I’m not even sure what is more shocking – that so many have considered it, or that a huge proportion of those who have then tried to follow through with it.

That first experience of mine was not the only time I have known someone – or known of someone – who has committed suicide.

Each time, there is the search for explanations – was it over money, was it over relationship troubles, was it drugs, was it this, or that?

Often, there is no explanation. Sometimes there is, but often it is a struggle a person has faced throughout their life. Who gets to be affected by that and who does not can be as indiscriminate as the lightning. Who it strikes is a matter of chance. It could as easily be you. It could as easily be me.

If we are lucky, and too many times we are not, we might see the warning signs. We might have a chance to intervene.

So how do we do that?

For those of us facing such a situation, we can feel lost and uncertain – but there is expert advice out there as to how to help.

First, it is important to recognise the warning signs. Has someone become less communicative, and perhaps started dropping out of social events? That can be a sign something is wrong.

Has that person given some kind of indication of having problems? Statistics suggest that between half and three-quarters of all those who commit suicide have given some warning of their intentions to a friend or family member. If someone says they are considering suicide, take it seriously.

After that? Offer support. That can be personal – but it can also be professional. Encouraging someone to seek professional help is a positive step – while asking someone if they’re suicidal is shown to be able to protect them. It gives them a chance to open up, it gives them permission to tell you how they are feeling. Suddenly that valve that is keeping everything in can be released and they can talk to someone.

Each person who is considering suicide is different – and what they need can be different too.

I remember in a different situation sitting with a friend who went to seek counselling on an issue one time. It was a revelation. By simply listening and asking open questions, the counsellor was able to help my friend decide on a course of action without ever giving direct advice themselves. My friend in that instance knew all along what to do, but having someone who would listen – really listen – gave him what he needed to take those steps.

All along, support as best you can – knowing that you too may have a limit and need to protect yourself – and make them aware of professional help and where it can be found.

And when it comes to support, remember that you need support too. Do not try to handle everything on your own if you can’t manage. Have your own people you can vent to so that you are not overburdened.

There are other steps that people with depression can take to find a way out – but again, it can be best if you help that person to find the answers themselves. It can sometimes be a bit glib to ask things such as “have you tried doing exercise?” and make the person feel defensive and perhaps lash out.

Suicidal is at the deeper end of depression – but some of the same steps can help, chiefly making sure as much as possible that the person has a support network. And if they are threatening suicide, making sure they are not left alone so someone is always with them.

If the person will not call a medical professional themselves, you can do so to get advice on what services are available.

The Bahamas has a suicide hotline, on 322-2763, open 24/7, while the Bahamas Crisis Centre also has a hotline at 328-0922 for people in “any situation of crisis”, again open round the clock.

The crisis centre also has a Whatsapp line available, on 565-9633. That could be particularly valuable for those who are in need of guidance, but feel nervous about tying up a hotline.

There are of course bigger issues to go with all of this. Why are so many of our young people now experiencing suicidal thoughts?

It is said that throughout people’s lives, many of us have moments when we have such thoughts. I have been blessed. That lightning has never struck me. But I know that is a matter of luck.

Still, we must not simply dismiss it as an act of nature – there must be steps we can take to make our children’s lives better, to make them feel as if they have a place in our nation, in our world.

There is no single, magic solution to all of this. But we must be prepared to try. In arming ourselves with the right information to tackle such issues, we at least give ourselves a chance to help avoid the grief and confusion those, myself included, have experienced when someone we know dies in such a way.

I would give anything to have gone back and changed things to offer support back then in a way I think I know how to do now. I do not know if it would have made any difference, no one does. All we can do is try to make a difference tomorrow.